"I'm trying too hard for someone who doesn't even try for me."
A few days ago I was talking with my friends about the "infamous topic" of whether a girl should chase a guy she likes. We all really like to say things in style "if only you could spend a little more time with me", "if only you could see me outside of work", "if only you knew my true self, maybe you would fall in love" … Or maybe he just needs to know that you like him enough to stick around and try to be with him, to understand his busy schedule, to see how cool you are, and not to pressure him that it's time to get serious relationship if he is not ready yet…
At that moment I realized how absurd all these thoughts of mine are when I say them out loud! On the one hand, I want to believe that this guy really needs some more time with me to fall in love, but on the other hand… If he doesn't want to take extra time for me at all, what does that tell me?
Hunting is not fun. I don't enjoy waiting impatiently for him to reply to a message that I don't know if it will make me laugh or cry. I don't enjoy setting a date or confirming it, especially when I know I'm looking forward to that date much more than he is. I don't enjoy finding topics to talk about just to avoid an awkward silence. I don't enjoy trying and trying and feeling like my efforts hit a wall on the other side and aren't received with the same fervor.
I really don't enjoy hunting! I don't enjoy trying too hard for someone. It just tells me that I'm trying to prove my worth to someone who doesn't want to see it anyway. I'm trying to get someone to love the parts of me that I've carefully built and worked on for years and years. I'm trying too hard for someone who doesn't even try for me.
I think of relationships as friendships, and I never had to try too hard to befriend someone. We were meant to be friends, so it all came together. We decided we wanted to be in each other's lives, so we made it happen. We called each other as agreed. We agreed on a meeting and came to it. We traveled together because we wanted to be together on new adventures. We asked each other how we were feeling because we really cared. We don't hide our friends from anyone. We don't worry about losing each other because we know our love is true. We weren't chasing each other. We found each other and decided to hang out.
And honestly, my friendships have always been stronger than my relationships. Simply because these people were meant for me. I didn't have to fight for them. I didn't have to prove myself worthy of their love. I didn't have to apologize for being who I am or say that they would need more time to get to know me better.
Because at a certain age you kind of know! You know who you want to spend more time with. Who you want in your life. Who do you want to pay more attention to? Who you want to get to know better because you think they are a great person. So if someone doesn't see it or doesn't understand it, then chasing that person won't change anything at all. And sometimes that chasing is a sign of a bigger problem you have. Maybe you're lonely, maybe you're bored, maybe you'd like something interesting to happen in your life... But relationships don't work that way. They always take two!
You don't need to prove a person who doesn't see your worth wrong. This is just a sign that this person is not meant for you. Those who see your worth need no proof. They don't need extra time. They come and show you that you are WORTH MORE THAN YOU THINK!
