Sometimes you sneak into my thoughts and bring a smile to my face. I still haven't figured out if you were meant for love or pain, but you were definitely a lesson. A lesson that was both beautiful and painful. Thank you!
It's been more than a year or two since we were last in touch, and every day it's more obvious that we'll never be again.
So many words left unsaid, so many feelings never revealed. We never really said goodbye. It all happened so fast - one moment you were the best thing that ever happened to me, and the next you were the reason for my pain.
I wish you had told me when you started to cool down. I wish I could tell you everything I wrote in a different way. Face to face to understand. Although I don't think anything would affect your decision.
The moment you decided you wanted to leave was probably the same moment my existence ceased to matter to you. You probably thought when I wrote to you that I was strange, but I didn't know how to tell you otherwise that you settled in my mind and heart.
I was hoping you would realize that you miss me, at least a little. And that's why I didn't want to move on with my life and waited patiently for you to come back. If I had only known that your departure was the beginning of a new, very exciting chapter in my life, I would... These are just guesses. And it's just the way it was.
Maybe I was meant to come into your life to make you realize that things aren't always as wonderful as they seem. Because before we took a step forward, there were days when we couldn't wait for the moments to send each other tender, and later increasingly flirtatious messages. We dreamed about each other. We made love there. We were a perfect couple there.
When I showed you my insecurities, you realized I wasn't as confident as you thought I was, and that was that. That was the end of us.
I doubt we've ever liked each other the same way. The closer I got to you, the more it seemed to me that you were someone I had been looking for all my life. But the closer you got to me, the more you wanted to leave. I will never understand this, I gave up trying to make you like me.
I can't blame you for losing interest in me. But I blame you for all the lies you told me every time I asked you why you became so distant.
So much has changed in that time. We have become different, because I know for myself that you were a lesson that I will never forget. I am different, wiser, stronger.
I love - differently.
I'm happy! Photo: Tamara Bellis / UnsplashMany things seem silly to me now. Our childish behavior. Ignorance, silence and flood of words. We were both hurt, wounded, and neither of us knew how to get out of the vicious circle. I wish I could go back in time and erase all the efforts, all the messages in which I was looking for a way to your heart. I wanted to be a part of your life.
You awakened forgotten feelings in me. I no longer believed that I would like anyone else as much as you did, and that I could still feel such passion. I wanted to be with you even though I didn't even know you. I didn't know myself anymore. I was someone else.
I learned that things are not always as wonderful as they seem. That what we had wasn't as special as it seemed.
I wished we could meet one last time and talk about what went wrong. There were endless unanswered questions in my mind, and I thought that… But unfortunately, I was the only one affected by the silence between us.
But only until the moment when I let go of the thought of you. When I finally understood that your silence was actually the answer to all my questions. That no matter what I did or said, it wouldn't bring you back.
You left because the right person was already on her way to me and you had to make room for her. You weren't my person, because if you were, you would have found your way to me, to us. I would be here.
Farewell my dear, and good luck with her, whoever she may be.
