In the last twenty years, different generations have been born. And the educational measures of our parents simply do not work for them. And what works? Melita Kuhar, an expert in partnership and child rearing, writes.
Sometimes you didn't dare to contradict your father
Parents are always equipped with a certain set of their own patterns, beliefs and unconscious programs that run relentlessly in the background of their daily activities. Our parents were brought up according to those old, I call them "Austro-Hungarian" principles, when you never contradicted your parents, especially not your father, he always had the last word and had a ready answer for everything. It is hard for me to imagine that I would hiss at my parents, because I have achieved more with kindness.
Today's kids know they are worthy and want to be respected
But in the last twenty years, different generations have been born. They come into the world equipped with a wealth of information and knowledge that they can implement very quickly. Somehow they know within themselves that they are worthy and they want to be respected. I myself emphasize that strict authoritarian exclusionary education does not work in a healthy way for the formation of a nascent personality for today's children and teenagers.
Mistakes not to repeat when you become (or already are) parents
These are some of the mistakes of our parents that you should not repeat if you want to give your offspring a travel experience that will include respect for a different opinion, the child's creativity and curiosity.
1. Giving instructions and prohibitions without an argumentative background
By forbidding something and thinking that the child will follow it, you condemn yourself to losing the emotional bond with the child. But when you can explain why you don't allow something and why a certain commandment is important to you, there is a greater chance that the child will respect it. Because you took the time for him and explained your "rules of the game" to him as an equal personality. I claim that it is indeed the parents who set the educational rules, but it is important how we present them. Because after all, children need healthy boundaries.
2. Taboo topics no longer make sense
Our parents never talked about many things, especially not about sexuality and relationships between adults. There are actually no taboo topics for modern children. With a few clicks of the mouse, they get to the content they are interested in and can learn about everything. Sometimes, unfortunately, even too early, when they are not yet able to perceive what they are actually watching, if I limit myself here to pornographic content, which is also watched by ten-year-old girls. Parents, even these days it is important to know how to set limits and exercise control over what your child watches on the Internet. Rather, talk to a teenager who is healthy and full of love and sexuality.
3. Violence prohibited!
Sometimes I hear a parent say that he himself was often beaten and that many cookware broke on him, but that he doesn't lack for anything, and that there is nothing wrong if he sometimes forces his son to have earache. Any violence is unacceptable!! So you have absolutely no excuse for physical, verbal, emotional, psychological or sexual violence. Find a way and a way to communicate with your child and teenager that does not involve any form of violence. Of course, it is more demanding and you have to engage, but the reward is great: the child's trust.
What you surrender is what you will reap later
These are some of the travel guides for creating a healthy personality structure that will be aware of itself and the environment in a compassionate and respectful way. Children raised and accepted in this way will be loving and cooperative towards their parents, because they will know and feel that they are heard, seen and taken into account in all their unique originality. This is also the best possible foundation for a healthy coexistence between an aging parent and an adult child, who will still strive to maintain a loving and respectful relationship with their parents.
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The old wisdom still applies: what you handed over to the child and how much you dealt with him with quality and love, the grown-up child will give you back. It pays to invest your love, energy and respect in your child, right?
The author of the article Melita Cook she is a university graduate social pedagogue and a graduate social worker. Lead Counseling room, and she can be reached on tel. no. 031 666 168. If you would like to book an individual consultation or ask her about your problems, write to her at: info@svetovalnica.si.
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