Is it possible to forgive the cheating and accept it as a point that allowed you to grow and develop the relationship? Everyone deals with it in their own way. Here are some helpful tips!
Discovering a partner's infidelity is one of the most painful experiences in life. Because of the amount and intensity of pain that people feel, many people think that they will never recover from infidelity.
In reality, any person can recover from infidelity. In order to make this process as high-quality, faster and easier as possible, psychologist Ana Kandare Šoljaga gave 10 useful tips.
1. Immediately after discovering infidelity, remind yourself of the fact that we are people stronger than we think, that we are.
In order to survive a scam, we need to be physically and mentally very resilient. We were not born to be victims, because as such, we would not survive. Survival is at the level of an instinctive mechanism in humans, while the victim mentality is learned.
2. A marriage can survive infidelity, but only if both partners want it and strive for it.
3. Do not take revenge on an unfaithful partner, as this only wastes energy and diverts attention from what is important. What you need then is a sense of control over your own life, not revenge.
4. Don't act strong and don't bury yourself in work, household chores and routine. You can pretend that infidelity doesn't hurt you because those around you expect pain from you.
Infidelity is a big, painful life event and it's important to deal with it well. Letting go means realizing that you're hurt and that it's affecting you, and that you're going to have to do something about it. Time doesn't heal, it's what you do to get better.
5. You are not responsible for your partner's infidelity, even if you weren't a good partner.
Marriage problems and your mistakes are not solved by infidelity. Although you are not responsible for infidelity, you are responsible for the state of your own mind. You can't choose whether bad or good things happen to you, but you can choose how you react to them.
When you distinguish between what you can change and what you can't, between what you are responsible for and what you are not, and between what you can control and what you cannot control - you will no longer be at the mercy of the actions of an unfaithful partner.
You cannot change the past. You cannot control an unfaithful partner. But you can have power over what comes. You can control the state of your mind.
6. Go through it slowly day by day. Live for today, be present in every day. Take care of yourself by sleeping, eating,... If you don't succeed, seek professional help.
7. Postpone major life decisions. Because you have fallen off balance and are upset, the probability of making wrong decisions increases greatly.
8. Don't harbor your gloomy dark side. Sometimes, like scavengers, you hover over your own painful conditions. The more you deal with them, the more you feed them, and the more you feed them, the stronger and more numerous they are. During this period, what you should do is as important as what you should not do.
9. Although you will feel better, do not tell unpleasant events to everyone, who is ready to listen to you.
Choose your interlocutors carefully, because when you are so badly wounded, the advice of others can be especially devastating. Better to talk to a professional who is neutral and has relevant knowledge.
Never tell your children about infidelity, especially if you are upset. Infidelity can break a child's heart and faith in love. Even more damage can be done by the fear that children feel when they see a parent who has lost control of his emotions and his behavior.
10. And finally, remember that this is not a period in your story, but just a comma. Your story is still being written.
