Boundaries are an important part of all aspects of a relationship, and boundaries in the bedroom are essential in any sexual relationship, whether you're in a long-term relationship or just getting to know someone.
It's never too late or too early to talk about what you do and don't do in bed, and boundaries aren't meant to limit imagination and experimentation, but rather to provide safety and guide exploration towards mutual pleasure and satisfaction.
To successfully set boundaries in bed, you need to know yourself!
Find out what you like
The first step in setting boundaries is to discover where they are, psychologically and physically, that is, what you like and are comfortable with, what is acceptable to you and what is out of the question. And only you can know this - what you fantasize about, what you don't like, how enthusiasm is awakened.
If you haven't given it much thought, it's time to do some thorough research and rethink your preferences. Ultimately, you have to try some things to see if they work for you, but do it with something that doesn't repel or scare you.
Also pay attention to what arouses you emotionally and psychologically - someone may enjoy vocal dominance, i.e. asking questions and giving instructions, while for another, this may trigger an alarm.
Think about your desires. Photo: Ana Maria Moroz / PexelsKeep in mind that your preferences may change, and be in tune with these changes to communicate clearly with your partner.
Explore your limits in bed together with your partner
Once you know what you like, you need to share it with your partner. You will probably have to walk him through foreplay and instruct him - show him and tell him where and how to touch you.
Maybe his concept of gentle touch is different from yours, so you need to be very clear and explicit so that your partner learns to apply exactly the kind of pressure that you respond to best.
To keep it from looking like a school exercise, touch to show your partner what kind of touch you like, give him time to observe, ask him if he likes watching you cuddling - this will surely turn him on and make it easier for him to follow instructions .
You can also say NO to things you previously agreed to
Saying no in bed can be very difficult. You think that if you agreed to something before, you might do it again, even if you didn't really like it. But your partner doesn't know anything about this uncomfortable compromise you're making with yourself, and he should. So take a deep breath and tell him that you didn't like something and that you didn't enjoy it, but you didn't want to be rude if he enjoyed it.
Let your word - not - count! Photo: Yan Krukov / UnsplashIn this situation, you may discover that it is not your partner's favorite activity either, but he wanted to show initiative, or he read somewhere that women love it, or something similar. Chances are he won't insist on something you don't like and will rather explore with you to find what makes you both happy. Also, you need to say NO to what you don't like, as this is a way to set a boundary and find alternatives.
Come up with a safe word - the button that turns on the boundaries in bed
Safe word, it works as a type of alarm. Did something go too far? Are you no longer comfortable and starting to feel uncomfortable? A safety word is used to immediately stop an act, especially when it comes to frivolities in intimacy that can cause fear and hurt, which the partner in love does not immediately notice.
Say what you like and don't like. Photo: Cottonbro / PexelsCome up with a word and try it out - practice stopping immediately when one of you says the word, i.e. presses the button. Stopping the action can mean you need to change position or take a break because you have a cramp or suddenly feel pain, and it doesn't just have to be used in rough sex situations.
Say what you want
Sex should not be calculated, but should be safe, you should be free and relaxed in it, which is more important than insisting on spontaneous passion. In addition, maybe your partner is just spontaneously passionate, and you are not in the mood for what follows at such moments, so you prefer to communicate your choice: "I'm not in the mood for sex tonight, I'd rather just cuddle." A partner with whom you have good and open communication, but he will not understand this as a rejection, but as a desire, to which he will gladly adapt, because he wants to give you satisfaction.
