"We waste time looking for the perfect lover instead of creating the perfect love." - Tom Robbins
What prevents you from being good lovers or from giving yourself completely in an intimate relationship?
It is often a matter of time pressure, inhibitions and lack of sexual techniques. Your mind won't shut down when it comes to intimacy so you can indulge in the moment without restriction. You resist surrendering and accepting the fact of how beautiful you really are. Why? Because you haven't learned to see yourself that way.
People often view sex more as a performance feat than a sensual exchange. Growing up, most were not given explanations about what sexuality is. They have not been taught that it is a natural part of them and that they must accept and embody it in a conscious and loving way. And that an intimate relationship is not something "dirty" or something to be ashamed of.
Sometimes you resist sex or intimacy because they reflect your insecurities. The most common fears include: “Is my body attractive? Does my partner judge me? Am I a good lover? Will I disappoint my partner? Will I be rejected? Suffocated?”
When fears take over you (even subconsciously), you start to resist sex. Resistance can manifest as excuses: "I'm not in the mood. I'm too tired. I'm overloaded with work. Children will hear. My head hurts." If these excuses become commonplace, your erotic life will begin to suffer. Then it is imperative that you examine your aversion to intimacy.
There are various ways to overcome this resistance. Above all, you must see yourself as an attractive person for your partner and maintain passion in the relationship. When you're tired, angry, or when communication between you breaks down, the first thing you do is lose passion. Denial and apathy are the enemies of passion.
Be aware of the following disincentives to a good sex life.
Six common passion killers
1. Exhaustion
2. You don't communicate your needs
3. Loss of interest
4. Rushing
5. Lack of creativity, boredom
6. Suppressed anger and hostilities
Sexual responsiveness is a sensitive barometer. Intimacy requires self-awareness and a willingness to remove barriers. Taking action can help you achieve a loving, erotic relationship.
Take time for yourself and rest every day. It's not attractive to be constantly rushing and stressed. In particular, it's important to remember to breathe - it's a quick way to reconnect with your body!
To solve the doubts you have about yourself, you need to be solution oriented. For example, if you are wondering: "Is my technique okay?" have an honest conversation with your partner about how you can meet each other's needs.
If the same positions are boring to you, play with your imagination together. Think of exciting ways to experiment.
Communicate respectfully and constantly discuss any anger or hurt you feel toward each other so your resentments don't destroy the passion.
For more complex issues, such as fear of intimacy, see a therapist.
While you are exploring your fears, be kind to yourself. This allows you to heal wounds and regain your strength.
