"Finding true and lasting love does not mean that we will be able to feel it all the time. Everything in the world moves in cycles." - John Gray
Many relationships fail because of the thousands of small cuts, those everyday pricks that cause pain to the partner. They seem like small things, but they can be very harmful.
There are some surprisingly small factors that can turn into unhealthy resentment.
What are these little things that can harm your relationship?
1. Your work
It is best if you and your partner agree 100% on the choice of your jobs. Many job duties require overtime, travel, night shifts, working from home, etc. Over time, your work responsibilities can become a problem in your relationship.
Healthy relationships require communication, honesty and time commitment. When your priority seems to be work and career (and if your partner doesn't support it), it's almost certain to cause problems in your relationship!
At the very beginning of the relationship, the couple should discuss career goals and expectations. Every person is different and both opinions are valid! It is only fair that they know what one or the other wants from life and what they expect from their partner.
Make sure you're not in a relationship with someone who wants to change you or make everything their way. They are partners - not master and servant.
2. Contraceptive pills
Many women take birth control pills without knowing the side effects. Common side effects are weight gain, loss of libido, mood swings, depression, headaches, indigestion, acne, etc.
Imagine you are a fun, sophisticated, confident woman. And then you start to notice that your mood fluctuates strangely, you are smiling for a while, then depressed, you are no longer interested in sex, you become insecure about your different appearance (pimples, extra pounds...).
Not only will you feel anxious and stressed about the changes, your partner will also become confused as to where these changes are coming from. No matter how loving and devoted your partner is, these changes can really affect your relationship!
If you think the pills are having negative side effects, talk to your doctor about alternative methods.
3. Social networks
Do you and your partner agree on social media privacy? Maybe he doesn't like to share anything about his life online, while you happily share pictures and Instagram stories of everything you two do. If you and your partner aren't on the same page, someone will feel like their privacy is being compromised and that you don't respect their opinion.
Or maybe you spend too much time on your phone, mindlessly scrolling up and down the screen instead of putting the phone down and focusing on your partner and your relationship. It is imperative that you discuss the "privacy policy" of your relationship.
Never talk negatively about your partner on social media. Never share their private stories without their consent. Not only will this make them feel like you're disrespecting them, but be aware that they can do the same to you. If you're having relationship problems, look to a professional - not social media.
4. You don't know your partner's love language
Your “love language” is an incredibly important part of who you are! We all feel loved in different ways – through physical touch, quality time, actions, gifts, words. Usually one or two of these things mean more to you than others.
Do you love it when you hold hands and show each other little affections? Do you like it when your partner does some housework? Would you rather he bring you a nice gift? Maybe it means the most to you when they tell you how much you mean to them.
5. Talk instead of listening
"Speak less, listen more." – Dale Carnegie. "Every man must be quick to listen, slow to speak." - Bible.
You'll learn a lot more by listening than you ever will by just talking. Your partner is someone you should never stop investing in and learning about. One of the best ways to do this is to ask questions and listen!
Do you see this behavior in your relationship? Do you or your partner always feel the need to dominate the conversation or to talk only about yourself? Are your conversations full of words like "I", "my" and "I am"! This harmful habit should be recognized as soon as possible, discussed and eliminated.
Sometimes it's just a bad habit that you can improve. But, sometimes this is a nasty trait of someone who is a narcissist. If you are a person with a bad habit, try to focus on asking questions and listening. Don't interrupt or just think about the next thing you're going to say. Let your partner do the talking and practice active listening!
6. You no longer celebrate moments together
Remember in the beginning of your relationship when you celebrated every little thing? Now you may feel like you are too busy to even celebrate birthdays and holidays. Perhaps you now have children that take up all of your time or a business career that absorbs most of your time and thoughts.
Stop it! Refocus! What are your real priorities? Make a little thing a big thing, something special and celebrate it; say, that you're together, that you finished a project at work, that it's a wonderful day—whatever.
Think about it. You are probably your partner's biggest advocate. If you're not there to support them and celebrate their successes with them, who is? It should be you. Make them feel valued and loved.
7. They deprived each other of their freedom
When we refer to "each other's freedom", it refers to those little things that your partner likes and you don't! Because of this, you argue with him, nag him, make sarcastic jokes and pressure him to give up his hobby or personal desires - simply because it is not "your thing".
When you get into a relationship, it doesn't mean you have to agree 100% on everything and magically transform into one like-minded person. They are two completely different people with two valuable and valid opinions!
An example
A woman swore she would never marry a man who likes video games! Her fiancé was an only child and spent most of his childhood playing video games, he loved them! And yet he gladly gave them up for her—for her and sold them. After the wedding, she realized that she missed them. On his next birthday, she bought him a new gaming system and some of his favorite games. He was absolutely thrilled! No, he wasn't addicted! Now, every now and then, after a hard day's work, he pulls out a game and has fun. Although the woman does not like video games, she does not object to the petty pleasures of the husband.
This example may sound trivial, but we hope you understand!
Don't make disparaging comments, ugly looks, don't discourage your partner from those few things he likes but you don't. If it doesn't hurt your relationship and doesn't take precedence over you, why not!
Every successful relationship requires commitment, communication and mutual trust. It requires work and a willingness to compromise. Don't let the above things come between you.
