They lie to your face without hesitation and there is nothing you can do about it. In fact, lies are their truth. And you believe them. Because they don't sound like they're lying. Everything sounds perfect.
They create their own facts and truth. They live by their illusions. Fortunately for them, other people seem to appreciate their attributes, so they can live in their world of illusion forever. When you love someone who only loves themselves, it's devastating.
How do you know when such a relationship will occur? Imagine how much pain could be prevented if the signs were recognized earlier.
Stage 1: Pressure to commit
When a relationship starts, you can't believe your luck. All the insecurity you had is gone. You've finally found someone who wants a relationship as badly as you do. Someone who doesn't play games, who calls when he says he will and wants to see you as often as possible. Maybe they're already talking about long-term things like going on vacation together, getting married, moving.
It's all getting a little too intense. 90% spend your time in contact with your new partner.
You don't want to hurt their feelings by explaining to them that everything is moving too fast and you can't be in constant contact with them all day. You want to take things slowly until you're sure this is it.
If someone is constantly pressuring you to go faster and it makes you feel uncomfortable, it's worth considering why that is.
Stage 2: Something just doesn't feel right
Toxic people are mostly intelligent and very charismatic. Even though everything is perfect when you are in a relationship with them, something seems off. And this is not due to problems between you.
Sometimes new relationships open up old wounds, and it can be hard to tell if your intuition is alerting you to a real problem. It's up to you if you want to get out of the relationship at this point. Don't let anyone pressure you to stay.
If you want to stay, take things at your own pace and wait to see if those feelings resurface. If this happens, at this point you should probably listen to your intuition and walk away.
Stage 3: A sudden change in your partner
When you finally start to believe them, you will start to notice a change in their behavior. They seem colder, less interested. Phone calls, texts, and physical affection will likely decrease significantly and begin to be replaced by something more negative.
It might be a negative comment disguised as a joke or criticism for something you did or didn't do. You won't admit to yourself that he really meant it to hurt you.
Level 4: Confusion
He changed. You can not believe that from such a considerate person, became so cold and disinterested. You are confused about negative things and yearn for positive things. You thought he was the perfect partner and you will crave his hugs and praise. He will rarely give you his affection.
You didn't do anything wrong, it's not your fault that they changed from one person to another. In a normal relationship, your partner would communicate with you and discuss any problems calmly. This doesn't happen in unhealthy relationships, so at this stage it may seem like you're crazy.
The result is something called cognitive dissonance, where you frantically try to reconcile two very different versions of the reality you experience. The one where you met a wonderful person with whom you see a future, and the other where you feel uncomfortable and feel like you are losing yourself.
Your intuition screams that something is wrong. And you don't believe her! He is perfect, how can you doubt him.
Level 5: You feel crazy
By now, you've probably experienced insults, nasty comments, which you are still told are jokes. But unfortunately they are not, they are too painful. You feel like the person who recently worshiped the ground you walked on is buried under this new, cooler version. And of course you try to talk to them about it.
You may manage to keep your composure. Maybe you are so upset and crying. Either way, what you get back doesn't calm you down one bit, it just adds to your overall sense of insanity.
His response may be indifference or even derision. Or even worse, a calm counterattack that suggests that this change in behavior is your fault. They might accuse you of being a psychopath and say it's all in your head.
You are confused. You go from one version of events to another in your mind and feel like maybe it really is all your fault. You may even apologize to them and tell them that you will change.
You are still in love with your partner and their approval means a lot to you. However, you still feel like your relationship is literally sucking the life out of you.
Level 6: Ignorance
Sometimes trying to talk to someone or share your feelings results in them being ignored. Although you may think you are the only person this has happened to, it is actually a very common technique people use to punish and control others.
When you first realize that your partner is ignoring you, you are surprised. The days and sometimes weeks that follow are absolute torture. If you compare this to the beginning of your relationship, where your partner was constantly texting and calling you, it is very incomprehensible.
You are completely confused because you don't know if they will ever hear back. You may try to contact them several times, or you may just hope that they will forgive you and get back to you soon. You will find fault within yourself.
Level 7: The Vicious Circle
Toxic relationships can end as quickly as they began. You may stop contacting your partner and accept that the relationship is over, even if you are not officially told this.
Go on with life even if you are upset. Go social, work, exercise, anything to distract yourself. And soon you will get some likes or maybe even a call from them on social media. And you will be in first place again. They will tell you they can't live without you! You are overwhelmed with relief, but you need to be careful at this stage, because in some cases, he didn't miss you, he just wants to inflate his ego.
Level 8: The End
Unhealthy relationships generally make you feel uncomfortable, either because your partner wants you too much or because they ignore you. There is no middle way.
Conclusion phase. Criticism and inappropriate comments will start again.
In healthy relationships, both parties recognize flaws and accept that no one is perfect. In the unhealthy, someone is usually put on a pedestal. When you don't love them anymore, they throw you away.
You will feel relief. Anyway, you can rest easy now. You are free.
Level 9: Recovery
This is not a normal breakup because there is often no closure. Before you can philosophize and mourn the loss of someone, you must try to understand what—and who—you lost. Why do you feel like a shadow of yourself? Is it your fault that it ended? Did you make it all up?
Toxic people lack the ingredient we all need for normal care and love - empathy. Which means they are not able to take responsibility for the things they have to work on.
In your case, you probably apologized for the part you played in the failure of the relationship and did everything you could to please the person you loved and get things back on track.
Do you feel stupid and naive that it took you so long to notice the signs that your relationship was unhealthy?
Whatever you're feeling, know that it's not your fault. Toxic people can be very intelligent and many look for partners who care about others, empaths.
It's normal to still love and miss that person despite everything. Try to turn this love to yourself! Learn to love - yourself!
