"The words we constantly use shape our destiny."
Compliments are meant to make a person feel good pleasant, her you raise your self-confidence, you express admiration and respect. And although this basic principle seems completely understandable in theory, in practice the situation is often such that your words they exceed the limit of good taste and you unintentionally offend a person.
Some "compliments" they are not flattering, rather they have a role qualifier and with them you are expressing an offensive opinion, which a person is simply not obliged to listen to.
5 COMPLIMENTS WITH WHICH YOU INTENTIONALLY OFFENSE A PERSON
"You came on time."
If you have friends who are chronically late, it's quite clear that you're tired of waiting and the fact that you can't change them. In situations where they were exceptionally on time, you probably rewarded their good behavior with the phrase “You arrived on time”. The effect you achieve with such a compliment is the opposite, as you have only emphasized that this is their norm. This can annoy the person and encourage repetition of such behavior.
What should I say? I am sorry that my words may sound stern, but I am very glad that we met at the appointed time.
“You drive very well…for a woman.”
This "compliment" has many variations and is used as a subtle form of racism, sexism and other problematic biases that have formed in society. Imagine someone telling you "you're so smart... for someone who didn't go to university", "you're so beautiful... for someone who's not from Slovenia"...
What should I say? I am very happy to have the opportunity to ride with such a good driver.
"You look very good for your age."
When you tell someone that they look great for their age, there is a subtext in the background that says that the person looks bad, but is otherwise beautiful compared to "witches". It is a subtle insult that is not a compliment but a qualifier. You don't praise the person, you evaluate it.
What should I say? If you allow me, I would like to compliment your beauty… you look very good.
"You are very beautiful. How come you are single?”
If you're single, then you've probably heard this compliment before, and there's probably nothing "better" than other people evaluating your love status. It's an insult that you use to say that something is obviously wrong with the person, that they are single. It also sounds like only beautiful people deserve to be in a relationship.
What should I say? I apologize for possibly intruding on your privacy, but I'm wondering why your heart hasn't been given yet?
"You have lost weight. You are not fat anymore.”
For some people, talking about weight is a very sensitive topic, so it would be a good idea to first assess how the person feels about their body before getting into the conversation about pounds. With such a "compliment" you offend a person who may be in the process of losing weight and is not satisfied with his appearance.
What should I say? If you and the person are close and you know their story well, you can tell them that you notice that the lifestyle change is helping them a lot and that they are even more beautiful now.
