"The most beautiful thing in life is that everyone can spoil it in their own way." - Jeno Heltay
We are all essentially looking for love and fulfillment in life. Getting married and starting a family is at the top of the list, but always our plans fail and the marriage falls apart.
What life lessons does marriage and separation from a loved one teach us?
1. Not everything will be beautiful and wonderful after the wedding
If you enter marriage with the mistaken belief that marriage represents the pinnacle of your success, satisfaction and the icing on the cake of life, you will be sorely disappointed. The truth is that marriage is not some life-changing experience. It is only a formal record of your commitment to a relationship with another person. The ring only symbolizes her.
Marriage does not mean that after it everything will suddenly become wonderful, a fairy tale. Things are still the same as before marriage. When the honeymoon is over and everything goes back to normal, it's almost as if nothing happened. The idea that everything will come together in a perfect relationship after marriage is a bubble that will eventually burst.
2. After marriage, a lot of effort should be put into the marriage
There are many complicating factors in any relationship that are exacerbated and intensified in marriage, mainly due to the pressure of officialdom and the commitment you have made to each other. You have to find the right relationship between you, that means total and complete acceptance of each other and a deep, mutual desire to make things work, otherwise marriage has no chance.
People change over time. In middle age, many begin to take the idea of marriage more seriously. This change can put a lot of strain on a marriage, especially when the person you married starts reminding you of a completely different person.
During this period, the things that were important to you begin to change. The type of person you are attracted to can also change. As you get older, qualities like honesty, maturity, integrity, responsibility, and understanding mean much more to you than they did at the beginning of the relationship. Many people find themselves in the position of being married to someone they thought was the right person, only to find out that they are far from that.
3. It is very important to know what you want in your marriage/partnership
Realizing that things aren't working out the way you imagined and you don't want to be married to that person anymore is not pleasant. That's why it's so important to wait until you're absolutely sure you want to marry someone before committing to it - and that goes for both parties.
Being sure doesn't just involve some abstract feeling that everything is okay. It means they know who they are and understand each other completely. Marrying someone is a commitment and you will spend a lot of time in each other's company. That's why it's important to be best friends first and foremost.
It is important to know how the other person copes in stressful situations. Financial pressures, long journeys, situations that give insight into how someone copes with stress. If you haven't seen your partner at their worst, how can you be sure you want to spend the rest of your life with them?
4. It's better to be alone than with the wrong person
Many people settle for marrying someone who is not right for them because they are afraid of being alone.
There is a big difference between marrying the right person and the wrong person. The fear of being alone comes from the assumption that you need someone else to make you feel whole, which is simply not true - being with such a person will make you feel even more alone.
5. Good friends are priceless
Nothing shows you how precious a friendship is like marriage and divorce. If you have a few close and reliable friends, they are very important to you in these moments when it comes to solving your life problems. Friendships don't end with marriage. Good friends are always just a phone call away.
It's certainly true that when you're single, you value and need your friends much more. When you are wrapped up in the world of marriage, honeymoon and family, you don't have as much time or need to spend time with them. But friends are the ones who will always be there for you, even when your marriage breaks down.
6. You can make things happen even if you are alone
You don't have to be married to live your life to the fullest and unlock your potential. To advance your career, travel, or own your dream home, you don't need anyone but yourself. Only you hold the keys to your life, no one else. Even in a great marriage, all growth comes from you, not your partner, so being alone is not a barrier when it comes to living life to the fullest.
7. Children will not solve anything
One of the worst moves of a failing marriage or relationship is having children. Having a little creature just to save a marriage or solve a problem or to feel less empty and lost is just doubling down on a bad decision.
If you have children, everything is even more difficult and complicated. It's not easy being a parent in a stable, loving, successful marriage, let alone one that isn't working. Just like marriage isn't a magic wand and doesn't make things perfect, neither are children. Marriage is not a fairy tale, it is hard work.
8. Happiness and fulfillment come from you
Nothing and no one can bring you lasting happiness and fulfillment. These things are already present in you. The things you think make you happy have been inside you all along. Marriage will not make you perfect because nothing can complete you - you are already perfect.
Once you come to that understanding, you can enjoy life and marriage and all of those things in a way that doesn't leave a divorce behind. Which means that happiness and fulfillment must be found in the experiences you have in life.
