We all know what physical cheating is: physical touches or any kind of sexual contact (every individual has a different idea of what exactly cheating means to them). But when is emotional closeness and emotional intimacy with someone else cheating? When can we talk about emotional deception?
Sometimes we may wonder on the meaning of fidelity and monogamy. For many, the thought of being faithful to one person for a lifetime, or at least for a very long time, is downright scary. But even though loyalty can sometimes seem a little scary and unattainable, the second option can, well deception, evokes in us even more unpleasant feelings.
Below we state 6 warning signs that you are involved in an emotional affair.
1. You seek attention and validation from someone else
If you're in a relationship, you shouldn't feel the need to give yours you satisfy your intimate emotional needs with someone else. The key word here is: intimate.
Friends, regardless of gender, are great, but their support is different from that of a partner. Even when we are with friends of the opposite sex, friends should not cross the line and satisfy our need for validation and attention, as our partner should satisfy both.
If you have a partner, then you shouldn't need to look for validation from anyone else, especially if you find him attractive. You don't have to feel beautiful, important, special, smart just because someone else told you so. Even if your love relationship is broken, this is not a sign that you need to look elsewhere for attention. It's just a sign that you need to fix things or move on.
If you lack a sense of emotional validation in your current love relationship, this is not an excuse to look for it elsewhere. If you rely on the confirmation that your current partner once provided, you will now get it elsewhere, this only means entering a dangerous vicious circle.
You seek attention and validation from someone else.2. You hide your relationships with other people from your partner
Of course, we don't have to share everything we talk about with others. You should also not read your partner's various messages and emails. It is necessary to have some boundaries set, where respect begins and where it ends.
If you have to hiding relationships with others from your partner because of the words you say to others or the actions you have with others, then you have already entered the gray zone. If you delete conversations with someone because you're afraid your partner will see them, or if you are hiding from your partner that you are dating someone, this is one of the signs that you are having an emotional affair.
Of course, we all have a need for privacy, and sometimes we say something to a friend in anger or wonder about our relationship. But even then, we are talking about something that you would like, albeit reluctantly, to communicate to your partner.
If you hide your relationship with someone else, one of the following reasons is behind it: either your love relationship is unhealthy or your relationship with the other person is unhealthy.
3. You communicate inappropriately with others
Emotional cheating includes the following five types of communication:
- flirting;
- talking about missing someone on an intimate level;
- glorifying romantic ideas of what a relationship with our partner could be;
- releasing details from the current relationship that our partner would not want anyone else to know (talking about sexual frustrations, for example);
- constant belittling of the partner in front of others.
Of course, communication in a love affair goes much further than these basic examples, but it is wise to pay attention to the listed actions in order not to get involved in an affair.
You communicate inappropriately with others.4. You are thinking about rekindling a love relationship from the past
Reviving a love relationship from the past is a big mistake and also taboo. Friendship with a former partner is not bad, but you have to be a little careful about what this friendship actually means to you.
If you start to cross the line and turn to your ex-partner for emotional intimacy, or if you start treating him as a partner again, this is by no means it's not fair to your current partner. If you seek support from someone with whom you have been intimate (emotionally or physically) in the past, this is a sign of emotional deception.
5. You have feelings for someone who is not your partner
If you realize that you have feelings for someone, you are in great danger of crossing the line and starting to cheat emotionally. But if you strive to keep those feelings alive, you've already crossed that line.
Humans can't help but find someone attractive. In life, we are attracted to many others besides our partner. This is normal. The question is: how do we deal with these emotions? The difference is, if we feel that we are connected with someone on a deeper level, and if we allow that feeling of connection to flare up.
You can imagine it like this: in the world of love we sail like ships on the sea. We see many beacons, but in monogamy we rely on only one to guide us. Relying on multiple beacons would eventually end up as a wreck.
The problem isn't noticing how we emotionally match with someone; the problem is if we open up to that person. There is nothing wrong with seeing a spark, but by no means starting a fire with it.
6. Emotions and actions become reciprocal
In all of the above cases there is some degree of reciprocity. You cannot control another person's actions. It's one thing if he's constantly flirting with you or trying to have a romantic relationship with you, but it's another thing entirely (and here's the danger) if you start to return those feelings and actions.
An affair involves reciprocity and repetition. When you start paying attention to emotions, when you start encouraging and approving them, and above all when you become their initiator, then you the emotional affair unfolds in all its might.
If you have allowed someone to touch your heart, make sure you keep that door open only for them. Think about whether you would like it if your partner opened this door for someone else besides you.
