Unfortunately, receiving bad news is a normal part of life. You can hear them at work, on the street, in the family... They come in waves and you can't avoid them. However, there are ways to deal with it and prevent it from completely crushing you.
Behavioral psychologist dr. Nilu Ahmed, it says that our coping mechanisms are learned. "We develop them to manage emotions, which enable us to function effectively throughout everyday life."
He says they are avoidance and denial two common ways to deal with negative situations. This is not healthy in the long run. "Avoidance and denial are very useful in the immediate situation, because they prevent us from being overwhelmed by the news," he explains. "But if that's the only thing we use, it can become problematic over time because it prevents us from actually tackling these issues."
On the other hand, obsessively focusing on the matter will also not help. "Thinking like this can cause a significant increase in anxiety levels," he says Sally Baker, and adds that it's important to identify thinking styles and identify which unhealthy patterns you might be falling into. "Recognizing your way of thinking is one of the first steps to taking control of your thoughts," says Dr. Copper.
Imagine you have a seed in the palm of your hand. When you water it, it begins to germinate and that initial green shoot quickly grows into a strong vine. The seed represents hearing bad news. The water you give, and the attention you give to this news, reinforces negative thinking. Soon the negative thought has grown so large that it surrounds you like a tangled vine and fills all available space from floor to ceiling and wall to wall. Negative thoughts that can develop in this way quickly take over until they become all you are able to think about.
Negative thinking patterns
dr. Baker says it's imperative that we decipher our ways of thinking and find out what unhealthy patterns we might be falling into.
- The first style is called a black and white thinker, where people don't recognize all the shades of gray in their lives and have an all-or-nothing attitude.
- The other is a catastrophic thinker, who always thinks the worst and goes to extreme negativity.
- The third is too much of a thinker, who just thinks and thinks about everything, and the result is never positive.
Recognizing what thinking style, or even a mix of thinking styles, is your default setting is one of the first steps to taking control of your thoughts.
Changing the way you think will take awareness and insight, but with practice you can change your mind and decide whether or not it's a helpful thought. Interrupt it and shape it into a more helpful positive replacement thought.
Immediate steps to deal with bad news
When you hear it, you can take immediate action. Take a deep breath to ground yourself. After that, acknowledge the shock and don't try to run away from it. Consider if you need more information. Take the time to get more information that can help you handle such news more effectively and appropriately. Once you know all the details, take the time to adjust.
Feelings of sadness, loss, and anger are normal reactions. Don't rush. Slow down. Give yourself enough time. And remember, if you can't take bad news, don't be afraid to seek professional help, concludes Dr. Ahmed.
