Heartache is not a choice.
It doesn't ask if you've been in a relationship with someone, and if so, for how long. She doesn't care about labels. It doesn't feel any less real if someone wasn't your boyfriend or girlfriend. Sometimes it hurts like hell, it hurts even more when you get over someone you've never been in a relationship with, because that person always remains undefined "what if".
When a relationship has a label, they are either together or not. Are you single or in a relationship? But when you're emotionally invested in someone who won't commit to you or give you what you need, you're constantly looking for validation between the blurred lines that you overwrite with "what ifs".
Hold on to the hope that they will be something someday. Then the cold reality hits you that the relationship you were emotionally invested in has reached a dead end.
With endings where there was no beginning at all, a strange feeling remains, because there was no beginning to compare it to.
You think you'll be just fine because they were basically nothing, even though you loved them as if they were in a real relationship. But the feelings were real and you don't need a label for that.
Sometimes you love people with whom you have never been in a serious relationship more than many others.
It's not a breakup, even if it feels like it. You don't sleep at night. You cry at three in the morning. You wake up tired looking at your phone and remember when that person sent you that text that made you wake up. Now your phone is silent. You miss her, but you also miss the possibility and the belief that it could be something. The one "if"…
There's a pain that you can't trust anyone with because you know their answer - if they weren't even dating, why bother? You don't have to date people to fall in love with someone. And you don't have to date people to hurt them. When your heart falls in love with someone, the pain is exactly the same as if you were loving your partner.
The hardest part is moving on when they don't even realize they hurt you. They don't know that you have become emotionally attached to them.
Be strong. Every time you meet them, you feel the pain of what you will never be. Don't sleep over someone who is probably already sleeping with someone else. It hurts you. You replay your entire past in your mind, wondering which signs you misread. How could you spend so much time with someone with whom you had no physical relations at all, but only you had an emotional connection with.
You cannot clearly define this pain. Your heart was hurt by someone you probably would have gotten over easily otherwise. But when you love someone and really want to be something more, the pain you feel takes a while to get over. And that's totally OK. What is wrong is yes, you are trying to be strong just to keep them in your life (friendship).
Maybe they notice something isn't right when you pull away. Maybe they think you don't talk as much anymore. Maybe they call you and ask if something is wrong.
And part of you wants to scream: "Yes, I'm injured. I feel completely broken. You destroyed me.” But keep quiet, because mourning the end when there really wasn't a beginning makes you look like a fool.
But it's not all on you. This person convinced you that something was there. If they had been completely honest with you from the start, they wouldn't have fallen in love so quickly, but they weren't. Instead, they knew you liked them and they liked your attention.
Maybe there was a physical relationship without a label. Maybe they told you everything you wanted to hear to keep you around because your presence boosted their ego. They let you hunt them even though they didn't intend to get caught.
Don't feel guilty about those pains you feel you have to hide just because they're unlabeled. Not at all.
Cry as hard as you feel. You feel things deeply, in a way only you can. Walk away from them without explanation because you don't deserve this pain and they don't deserve you either.
When the tears dry and the heart heals its wounds, never let them get close to you like that again. Appreciate yourself!
