Don't ruin your relationship with thoughtless words.
Phrases like this and others begin to erode trust and intimacy and should be avoided, no matter how badly your partner has hurt you. Arguments and disagreements are a normal occurrence in any relationship and marriage, but only as long as they can be resolved through conversation and in a peaceful manner.
Sometimes an argument escalates and words are said in the middle of it that you may not have meant but come out of you in anger. Even though words don't hurt physically, they hurt another person's feelings. In many cases, words hurt more than a blow. And although you often forget what you were arguing about, the feeling of pain and betrayal caused by these "poisonous phrases" remains in a person's subconscious.
What are these words that, like poison, erode trust and intimacy, which are the core of every partnership?
"If you feel that way, maybe you should break up."
This sentence can also be interpreted as follows: "We are only together because of the children". Mentioning the breakup/divorce, even if the fights are frequent, is something that can hurt your partner because these words make him think about the divorce more and more often. Such words are often spoken in the heat of the moment, and the person who utters them does not really want a divorce. In this way, he expresses his disappointment due to his inability to resolve a certain conflict. Unresolved conflicts do not mean that you have to break up with your partner.
A partnership consists of two people, each of them has their own values, ideas, way of working, and many conflicts involving these differences are difficult to resolve.
One of the solutions can be a compromise. Instead of feeling that these differences make you incompatible, try to understand why your partner feels the way they do. Tell him: "I feel hurt, angry. I love you, but I need some space.”
"I hate you." or "I don't love you anymore."
Words "I hate you" a person may often say in anger when they don't really mean it. But then the other person feels like their whole world is falling apart. Even in a fit of rage, you must not let these words come out of your mouth. Because if something real "hate", then you want it out of your life. The things you hate have no value.
Of course you are angry when you argue with your partner and at that moment you want to say everything you can. But ask yourself - do you really hate the person you're arguing with? Do you really despise her? Is it your desire to hurt someone without thinking? Probably not. But words like "I hate you", send this very message and should be avoided.
"That's stupid." or "You're being unreasonable."
In a partnership or marriage, it is normal for the partner not to see things the same way. One person may do something that is completely logical to them, but another may find it irrational. Why is that? Each partner brings different perspectives to the relationship, and this relationship only thrives if you work to understand the other person's point of view, rather than insulting or arguing about it.
“Of course, only a man/woman would think of that.”
This phrase can be pronounced in many ways, but it means the same thing. For example: "Stick to women's work" or "It's a man's job". Sometimes differences in the way of thinking cause conflicts, and sometimes there is a problem that "cooks" for a long time and then one of the partners explodes. Maybe one partner had a rough day that had nothing to do with the other, but when he gets home he takes all his anger out on him. Empathy allows you to see past emotional outbursts and learn from them.
"I don't want to talk about it."
Sometimes you need a break from arguing and time to cool down. When you completely refuse to solve a problem in a marriage or partnership, it creates resentment. Bad feelings and thoughts can accompany you for a long time. But the longer you let these thoughts haunt you, the more they sink into your subconscious perception of your partner, affecting all your future interactions. Instead, tell him: "I'm not ready to talk about it right now. Let me take some time to cool down and think about it, and we'll talk about it later.”
"You act like your mother/father."
Most partners often think of this when they find themselves in the middle of an argument. However, this is one phrase that should never be uttered. It's much better to solve the problem instead of using some vague insult that can only make things worse.
“Just relax.” or “Stop thinking about it.”
When your partner is upset, telling them to relax or forget about their problems does absolutely nothing. Every person appreciates being asked what's bothering them and being listened to, supported and empathised with. But don't ever tell her to stop thinking about the problem.
