"Love has nothing to do with expecting what you'll get - it's all about what you intend to give." - Katherine Hepburn
Read Ariel Quinn, a literature student, poet, and writer who can help you determine whether or not you're ready for a relationship.
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Did I believe I was ready to commit? Yes. Was I wrong? Yes. It was my fault. I'm not trying to protect my ex, but I have to be honest and say that it really wasn't his fault, it was mine.
All my life I was that woman who couldn't wait to fall in love and commit to a man who would love me endlessly, and then…poof. All those dreams fell apart as if they never existed. I am sorry for disappointing and hurting a man who truly loved me. I'm sorry, it wasn't on purpose, it took me a while to understand that I wasn't ready to commit yet.
If you are worried and may have the same questions about this, check out the signs that helped me realize what I really want.
1. I doubted the relationship
Although I had strong feelings for my ex, I was never quite sure that he was the man I wanted to be with for the rest of my life.
Our relationship was good and healthy, but I always wondered. I was never sure about his feelings, even though he proved to me many times that they were sincere. I realized that there was nothing wrong with him and our relationship, the real problem was that I wasn't ready for a relationship.
2. Opening up to your partner was too difficult
I've always said that the man I'm with should also be my best friend. This is really important for a relationship. You need to be sure that you trust your partner and that you can talk to them about anything, but really anything, from the best moments of your life to the darkest. Unfortunately, I realized that he was not my best friend because I could never fully open up to him. Again, it wasn't his fault because he was a really good man, the problem was my hidden fear.
3. I didn't want to talk about the future
Believe me, he tried many times to have a conversation about our relationship. But every time I successfully avoided it. I always made excuses, just because I was aware of the fact that I wasn't ready to be tied down and I really didn't want to hurt his feelings. Now I know it was wrong because he thinks I was just fooling him, which really isn't true.
4. I never included him in my plans
Maybe I really didn't want to include him, but I had so many plans for myself. I had so many dreams and goals for the future. The thing is, I never involved him in any of them, because I always knew that it wouldn't work and that we wouldn't stay together. An inner voice told me that I wasn't ready for such a relationship, but I didn't want to hear it.
5. I constantly criticized him
We started fighting over little things and to be honest I was the one who started all these fights. No matter what he did or how he behaved, I constantly criticized him. Now that I think about it, I just wanted him to end our relationship so I wouldn't need him. You might think that's a little selfish, but I really wanted it to be less painful for him.
6. I wanted too much personal space
We all like some personal space when we're in a relationship, but I really wanted it too much. I was happier when I was alone than when we were together. I know that in such a way I moved further and further away from him. I'm sorry I didn't understand all these signs earlier because I made it all the more painful for both of us.
7. The word "compromise" was not in my vocabulary
I was and still am aware that compromise is necessary if you want a relationship to be successful. I was never ready for any kind of compromise with him. I had my own opinions about things and my own way of doing things, and I didn't want to change them because of him. This is the main reason we had so many disagreements in our relationship.
8. A relationship was never my priority
My family and all my friends were always more important than him. Your partner should always come first in your life. I didn't want to hurt him or anything, I just didn't want to commit. Because of this, I knew that our relationship would not last.
We all have the right to live the life we want and do the things we love. If you don't want to be tied down, don't be. The worst decision you could make is to be with someone just because you've been dating for a while, when the truth is you don't really want to commit.
