Ladies, prepare yourself in time, because there is no worse beast than the midlife male crisis.
Every man goes through the hell called midlife crisis. Specifically, he is the one who believes he is going through hell. In fact, it is not the man who goes through the circles of hell, but his unfortunate wife who is by his side. While the man waits with folded hands for the crisis to pass, his wife is forced to be patient and understanding.
How do men respond to midlife crisis?
1. Period of mourning
A man in midlife crisis will be depressed, sad and weak. From morning till night he will only moan. He will complain because it is Monday, Thursday, autumn, there is no coffee in the house, there is coffee in the house, there is bad news on TV, his life is ruined, etc. In this lamentation, your good will and positive mood must win. But he will be disturbed by your optimism. For how can you be happy when he is unhappy?
2. A period of irrational rage
If he is not sad, he will be angry. He will say: "I know I'm disturbing everyone. I know I'm bothering you!” And there's nothing you can do about it. Even if you tiptoe or cook better than his mom. Being gentle and patient will piss him off. In these moments, you will want to send him somewhere, but of course you will not do it.
3. Period of paranoia
A man in midlife crisis turns paranoid. He will be convinced that everyone around him has conspired against him. It would be nice if the poor guy could limit himself to general accusations, but one day his paranoia will go so far that he will accuse his mother-in-law of intentionally salting food, even though he knows she shouldn't eat salty food. When you ask him why your mother would deliberately oversalt her food, she says: "To kill me. She never loved me!” You'll catch him checking your phone and accusing you of deliberately training the cat to pee on his slippers.
4. Period of sensitivity
He will become so sensitive that he will remember everything you did or said that offended him on that occasion. He will remember that in 2008 you ate the fruit yogurt that he bought for himself, that you took a piece of chocolate in front of his nose (and that you did it on purpose). All the depths of the male subconscious will be revealed to you in his accusations.
5. Period of bad taste
He will start listening to strange music and watching strange movies. Get ready for some suicidal, sad, and damn heavy movies! Instead of family films and detective stories, you will watch documentaries about submarines, ships, dead commanders...
6. Sociopath
While your midlife crisis is going on, don't go for a walk with your husband! No! Note that we have warned you, because he will start causing various scandals with the neighbors, he will deal with angry drivers, he will transfer his grumpiness to the sellers... Arm yourself with patience, because in 90 % cases you will understand that even the driver of the car who yells at you , going through a midlife crisis.
7. Active phase
He will suddenly have the power to change the world. Of course, it will start with you, but by this stage you will already know how to deal with it and send him nicely to… a well-known place. At best, he will buy a mastiff and walk around the neighborhood, at worst, he will start spending your savings on stupid things or get involved with a young mistress. He will also start going into town, buying new T-shirts, a bicycle or a motorcycle.
8. Climax
Under the pretext that "life is short", he will get some enlightenment and decide to drastically change his life. He will say that from today he no longer wants to work in marketing, but that he wants to write a book. Delirious, he will quit his job with a great income and start exploring himself and his options. You will have to take care of the finances. And don't try to make him come to his senses. In the end, it will all be your fault.
9. The final
A man in midlife crisis can leave you. He really, really picks himself up and leaves the house, the family. But if you've gone through all the stages listed above, you'll just say: “I hope his new house is far away” and you will be happy.
