Are you vulnerable and open with people and express your feelings clearly? Is your emotional life in chaos and you can't maintain a stable relationship?
The most important skill for maintaining relationships is listening. You may be very good at expressing yourself, but you are not willing to listen patiently and attentively when someone else is trying to express themselves.
These are the tools to help you become a better listener:
Pay attention
Can you listen when you're distracted? Probably only superficial - you can't tune in and give your full attention when you're thinking about something else, or you're not feeling well. That's why you need to take a special time in your relationship to devote to quality listening. You can arrange this time in advance, but there will be many other times when your partner needs you to listen even when you are not in the mood.
If you want to become a better listener, invest in listening, which means effort, energy, attention. When your partner needs your attention, give it to them. If it doesn't happen at the same time, then finish what you have first, and then focus on your partner. No phone, no TV, no distractions - breathe deeply and focus as if you have all the time in the world.
Patience
Do not interrupt your partner while he is speaking. Listen actively, which means without judgment, without judgment and interference - patiently. Patience is the most important skill among the most important skills.
When you take the time to listen to your partner, give them permission to fully express themselves in a dynamic that works for them. Sometimes people need a certain amount of time to catch a thought, connect what they feel and what they want to express, sometimes they search for the right words and speak slowly.
It is especially important not to interrupt your partner's presentation when you are having a difficult conversation about a sensitive topic. It's natural to want to help and advise when you see the other person is struggling, but hold back, ask your questions later and give advice if the other person wants to know what you think about it. Nod your head occasionally and look at your partner as they speak to confirm that you are present and listening.
Observation
While the other person is speaking, pay attention to their facial expressions, gestures, and body posture. Much of communication takes place on a non-verbal level, so observe and absorb as much information as you can about how your partner is feeling. Besides giving you good insight, it will deepen your closeness.
Briefly repeat what your partner said
When your partner stops talking, briefly repeat what they said. This simple act will show the other person that you have been listening, and will also serve to confirm that you understood what was said correctly. If you said something wrong, this step will clear up any misunderstandings. If you are not sure that you have understood, ask questions that will better clarify what your partner wanted to say.
Offer support, but not with advice and opinion
This is very important - ask your partner what he wants you to do, what he needs from you. Sometimes it is necessary to listen carefully to the interlocutor so that he can hear himself and in the end feel relieved and know the answers he was looking for. Sometimes he needs your opinion and advice. Let your partner decide what they need, even when you're sure you have a simple solution and they just have to accept it. This is part of respecting the individuality and freedom of another person.
The greatest gift you can give someone is your presence, reflected in your undivided attention. This is the energy you put into the relationship and the other person feels it strongly. Real listening and deep understanding with full attention build lasting closeness.
