In relationships, we are all sensitive (and often oversensitive) because we face insecurities, fears, frustrations. Moments and periods of harmony don't last long, and in between we mostly try to balance, tolerate and deal with each other's differences.
It often happens that we do not succeed in this work, we are left confused, sad and offended, and do not know how to get to the other.
According to the experience of couples who are satisfied with their relationship and have good communication, these are some phrases that can cool down a heated atmosphere and restore common sense, patience and tolerance that must be invested in solving a conflict or problem.
Please don't talk to me like that
This is a request and should sound like a request, not a defense of the affected work. You can also say “Can you please stop shouting, it scares and confuses me”, or make a similar request asking your partner to stop pointing accusations at you and respect your feelings. This is an invitation to the partner to leave his pattern and behave correctly, with respect, especially to himself - to his choice.
Respect is the foundation of a relationship! Photo: Jonathan Borba / Unsplash
Can we talk about it?
It is a call to solve problems, confront and reach an agreement. Stimulating and effective, because it reminds your partner of the fact that you are in everything together, and that you can't solve anything together - if you don't want to.
So when you make or hear this call, take a deep breath and let go of the need to argue or exclude, or invite to hang out yourself. You two are on the same page and it's your job to try to understand each other in every situation. And keep trying until you make it.
The invitation to talk is challenging - to sit and calmly talk about your feelings, which can be very agitated. The one who asks thus shows a willingness to help, listen and respect feelings, and the one who is called is obliged to calm down and calm down - thus both take their share of responsibility.
You don't know, I'd rather be alone
Division of labor is very important - most arguments and misunderstandings arise over household chores. When you offer division, offer peace in the house. There are definitely some jobs that are easier for some and unbearable for others, so match up. But the distribution must be fair and measured according to strengths and abilities, not according to the responsibilities of men and women.
They share the household chores. Photo: Catt liu / Unsplash
Would you like a glass of wine?
Offering to have a drink together (it doesn't have to be wine) can be anything that your partner likes or that you like together - it raises a white flag. This is a prediction of a truce in tense situations, which means that both of you will take a break from the tension and breathe together.
And when you do, you feel connected and there's really no problem you can't solve, and any misunderstandings are small and insignificant compared to how you feel around each other and how good it is to have each other.
