"Resentment is like drinking poison and then hoping it will kill your enemies." - Nelson Mandela
Scam. Feelings of anger, humiliation, sadness, defeat overwhelm you. You can't believe that your partner has disappointed you so much. You don't know what to do, whether to cry, scream, or just collapse in eerie silence. You feel empty. Think for a second about throwing all his stuff out the window and writing on his forehead "Traitor!".
You wonder what it is that he was missing that you didn't give him. You are making excuses for him and for the survival of your relationship, you are confused. On the one hand, you want him by your side, on the other, you would close all the doors behind him. But for some time you will not be able to make the right decision.
The fact that you are in a position where the decision is up to you means that your partner has surrendered to your "mercy," and that he cares about you. He realizes that he was wrong (otherwise he would have left you and gone to a place where he feels better) and hopes that you will somehow forgive him.
Deception is complex. Sometimes certain circumstances arise that the partner could not resist, and they burden his conscience so much that he had to admit the deception to you. There are extenuating circumstances, but they don't make what you're feeling any easier. Try to make your way to your senses, taking into account your feelings and asking yourself some questions.
Can you ever trust him again?
You know that you still love your partner. However, love without trust will not survive. It will turn into a poison that will infect every aspect of your relationship.
Trust is not easy to rebuild, but it is possible. Is this possible for you? How will you feel when he tells you that he has to stay late at work or that he is going on a business trip? What will you think when he doesn't answer your call or text? Will you immediately suspect that he is cheating on you whenever he is late or when you don't know where he is? Will you be looking suspiciously at his phone and computer? Will jealousy make you sick?
Ask yourself, would it be easier for you if she ended your relationship, or would you still feel hurt and jealous and wonder where she is and who she is with?
It will take some time to find the answers to these questions in your heart, so take that time.
Can you forgive him?
To forgive does not mean to forget. Nothing will help you forget how you were hurt, but forgiveness will bring you peace of mind and the knowledge that you can move on because what you have is worth fighting for. You accept that this was a valuable lesson for both of you.
Forgiveness is very complicated. It means you have to forgive yourself for not noticing the warning signs, and that it doesn't mean you're stupid. It's not your fault. You must be sure that your partner has understood his mistake, that he is sincerely sorry and that he is taking responsibility for his actions. You get to know each other and you can assess whether you are ready to forgive - probably not immediately, but eventually, slowly over time.
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Do you want to continue being with him?
A partner's deception is sometimes the trigger for everything that has been brewing for a long time. It gives you a reason to end a relationship in which you no longer feel good, in which you are stuck and confused.
Is your partner someone you still like and can't imagine life without? Or are you just thinking about how you deserve better and how it's about time you start loving and respecting yourself more?
Perhaps his infidelity will open new paths for you and you will finally start living the way you want.
What are your motives for staying with your partner?
If you intend to take revenge on him, it means that you cannot forgive him. If you feel contempt for him and still decide to stay in this relationship, what are your motives? Material security? Position and status? Are you afraid that you will not find anyone else and that you will be left alone? Do you want to continue showing the perfect picture to the world?
Are you determined to make your partner suffer for their actions and are you playing a game of justice and revenge? These may be perfectly good reasons for you to stay with him, but it's important to acknowledge those reasons and not lie to yourself.
Have you tried everything you can?
Did you do all you could? To answer this question, you should try to continue the relationship. Try to forgive, forgive. To regain trust, improve your relationship and change some things.
If you still question whether this relationship is worth the sacrifice and struggle, and you've done everything you could, but it wasn't enough. Then maybe your partner didn't do all he could and somehow disappointed you again because you expected and asked him to actively participate in correcting his mistake.
If you've decided to give your partner another chance, do it sincerely, don't just wait for something to break so you can accuse him of not trying and not caring.
Be honest - with yourself first. This way you will discover what is good for you and what is the right decision.
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