"It's not what you say, it's what people hear." - Frank Luntz
Women often find themselves trapped by good intentions and strong emotions. They decide to be saved the unfortunate man, gloomy and forgotten in some phase of a traumatic childhood, who clearly "needs" their help. Too many times they interpret his pain as a cry for help, and the tendency to help him is instantly awakened in them. So they throw themselves into arranging the life of a defiant man who survives in his madness only thanks to this defiance.
And when they attack him, they astound him with their noble intentions, care, tenderness, perseverance and precise instructions on what and how to live and work to be better (better for them, of course).
And what does a man do? Direct your defiance and resistance against them. Why? Because they are fixing it. That means he's not good for them the way he is. It should be clear to a woman from the beginning that if a man does not feel well, if he is reserved, confused, wounded, and even if he cries out with his whole being for someone to put him in order, this does not mean that he is intervention acceptable.
A man has already told you: "I'm yours, I'll do anything you want, save me?" Have you ever said to someone (before you came to their aid): "I see that you are broken, lost, wounded, let me help you, because I know I can and I know how to do it"?
No? And why not? Because people say such things mostly only when it is written in the script. But life is not a movie.
Watch how direct, painful the words are as they show their sharp claws. They are as dangerous as the scorching midday sun and as cold as the eerie gloomy darkness. If the darkness spoke at that moment, it would tell you the direct and stinging truth: “I won't let you help me and I'll rip your heart out if you keep trying. Because my job is to feed on pain. Suffer with me or disappear and don't bother me.”
If we were to tell the truth about how we feel, it would be very helpful at the level of mutual information exchange. When someone says to you: "Leave me alone!", don't look for hidden messages in these words, just walk away. You have to respect what you are told frankly because everyone has to bear their share of responsibility. You asked, you got the answer, now leave or you will become a victim of your own rescue operation.
It takes courage to say: "Everyone has the right to choose and everyone is obliged to respect the choices of others, it is about sharing responsibility. I am freed from the effort of trying to help others because my help is not wanted, and because my offer is rejected, I leave. "
