The actions we take unintentionally are usually the ones that break our relationship!
We believe so many times your actions don't reflect it your true feelings. That you often unintentionally do something that causes in your partner emotional turmoil. We checked the records recognized professor of psychology John Gottmana, who has been researching marriages and relationships for 40 years - studying what keeps them strong and what destroys them. After many years of research, he can determine with 91% accuracy whether a relationship will work out after just five minutes of conversation with a couple.
In his bestselling book on maintaining a happy marriage, entitled The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, he reveals, among other things, what it is that most destroys a relationship and ultimately causes the breakup of a relationship.
These are the key actions that most often cause a relationship to break up:
1. Criticizing
There's nothing wrong with complaining, but there is with criticizing, says John Gottman. Criticism is aimed at the person, not at their behavior. For example, we tell our partner that he is bad, but not that his action is bad.
2. Contempt
Contempt takes many forms, such as insults, eye rolls, inappropriate humor, teasing, or teasing. Gottman argues that contempt is the worst of the four, for the attitude of deadly habits, because it expresses revulsion. It is very difficult to solve the problem if the partner feels resistance from the other side, according to Gottman.
3. Defense
Defense is actually a way of blaming everything on our partner, the professor teaches us. When we say that the problem is not with us, but with our partner, we only deepen the conflict and make it even more difficult to resolve.
4. Not communicating
Silence in a relationship is very damaging. You know how that goes? When we are angry with our partner, we shut him down and don't talk to him, we are punishing him in this way. This does not solve the problem, but deepens it, as the partner moves away from the relationship, warns Gottman. A conversation is always the best solution!
Why do we behave this way?
It is important to be aware of our actions and to raise awareness of them! Actions often do not have a basis in the emotions themselves, but can be done because of wrong primary patterns, for example the pattern of a mother who blamed her father for everything or constantly criticized him. That is also why it is important to we are aware of such actions!
