We can get involved in toxic or unhealthy relationships in various areas. Partnership expert Melita Kuhar writes about why this happens to us and what relationships we prefer to end in time.
Unhealthy or toxic relationships they are relationships that poison us and it would be healthy to avoid them. It is about relationships in partnership, family relationships, relationships with friends and acquaintances. Relationships at the workplace are also important, but above all, the relationship with oneself is important.
Relationships are something that we ourselves create in half, and the other half is formed by the person who enters into a relationship of any kind with us. Today I focus on partnership relationship, which forms one of our most important relationships with another person.
When the infatuation subsides, we perceive our partner differently
When we are in love, everything about the relationship seems great, we are excited and walking on clouds. The hormone imbalance cocktail we call it falling in love, eventually loosens up and we see our partner a little different.
Adapting, finding compromises and playing our role as we ourselves imagined it should be begins. Since the illusion is gone, we crash on the real ground. We often choose partners based on internalized patterns and unconscious programs that are in us. V poisonous and painful relationships we also get into trouble because we know this from our primary family and as children we had to develop so-called survival strategies.
What kind of relationships do we prefer to avoid?
1. A relationship where we are not heard. Whatever we say or ask, our partner "matches" us with a diametrical opinion about our expressed wishes or needs.
2. A relationship in which we do not feel safe. We are on the lookout for any teasing or even insulting words.
3. A relationship in which we lost ourselves. When we gave up parts of our personality and merged with our partner, we lost parts of our personality. This happens when we want to conform to another person's idea of what we should be or what is expected of us.
4. A relationship based on lies, deception and manipulation. When this happens, we don't even notice at first, it's just somehow not pleasant. Over time, we feel that we are being managed in a way that we would not want it to be.
5. A relationship in which we create drama to feel that we are alive. It may sound strange, but people who grew up in families where there was always drama, blackmail, violence and shouting have a pattern of repeating this emotional exaggeration in their relationships.
READ MORE: The mistakes of our parents, don't repeat them
All of the above are unhealthy, therefore toxic relationships which can only be avoided when we become aware of why we find ourselves in them and why we sometimes repeat them in new partner relationships, since we ourselves are the common denominator for different partners. It is about finding solutions and deciding to work on ourselves and our patterns and transform them so that they serve and support us again. There are always ways to reach your purpose and content, no matter what obstacles life throws at your feet.
The author of the article Melita Cook she is a university graduate social pedagogue and a graduate social worker. Lead Counseling room, and she can be reached on tel. no. 031 666 168. If you would like to book an individual consultation or ask her about your problems, write to her at: info@svetovalnica.si.
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