One of society's imposed values is the romantic image of an emotional relationship, that you have to be in a relationship to give meaning to your life. This status gives you the status of a normal person in society, because if you are single, there must be something wrong with you.
And the worst thing is when you believe it yourself and wonder what's wrong with you, and even worse is when you persistently look for someone to be in a relationship with just to cover up your flaws and not be labeled as damaged, defective, inadequate.
These are toxic patterns of behavior and beliefs that you indulge in.
Let's look at behaviors that indicate that you are actually afraid of being alone.
You feel bad when you reject someone
Some people assume that being alone means being a failure, sad and lonely, and something inside of you compels you to try to avoid this dire scenario. Because of this, you should take every opportunity to meet someone and start a relationship. You feel pressured to accept every invitation, to give everyone a chance, even if you're not attracted to them. You tell yourself, if it doesn't work out, at least you'll know you tried and won't wonder what you missed.
You don't know how to be alone
You move from relationship to relationship. When you are alone for a while after a breakup, the thought arises in your head that you should definitely meet someone. You feel panicked, you feel like you're missing something. Being alone is a problem for you that you need to solve. Don't allow yourself to relax and enjoy being single.
They are together, even though they have no feelings for each other. Photo: Cottonbro / PexelsYou are always in a relationship
You only feel good when you are in a relationship or when there is a friendship that has the potential to grow into a relationship. You're not happy if you don't have romantic interactions, you always have someone. It just doesn't matter who or what that person is, what matters is that something happens and that you can answer yes to the question of whether you are in a relationship. That's all that matters to you, it doesn't matter who you're with or whether you love them.
You want to be someone that everyone wants
Whatever that means - try to be the right person for an emotional relationship. A real woman. Real man. You don't think about how you want to feel in a relationship and you don't look for someone who will love and appreciate you for who you are, but you try to be desirable, attractive, acceptable.
You subconsciously conform and behave in a way that you think you fit the ideals of a dream partner, instead of being yourself and expressing your uniqueness. If someone rejects you, you are ashamed of it because you think you are not good enough.
Try to please everyone
You fear rejection and failure and want everyone to love you, so you avoid any conflict. In fact, never stand up for yourself and say no to anyone. If someone asks you out on a date and you have other commitments, move your commitments so you don't miss the opportunity.
You adapt, even if it doesn't feel good. Photo: Hamann-la / PexelsIf you are in a relationship, you spend half of your time trying to please your partner, neglecting your own life, your own needs. When your partner is upset about something, you blame yourself and only take responsibility for it.
You stay in bad relationships for too long
If you feel neglected, unloved and unappreciated in a relationship, you are looking for the causes of your sadness in yourself and not in your partner. You are afraid that he will get angry and leave you. You are able to suppress relationship problems and suffer a bad attitude, ad infinitum, instead of taking risks and standing up for yourself. Worse, you're excusing your partner's bad behavior and encouraging a toxic relationship because you believe it's better than being alone. You think this might be your last chance at a relationship, and you're desperate to hang on to what you have, even though you don't feel good about it.
You don't do the things you want to do
You give up your interests and activities in order to have more time for your partner, or you completely change your interests and activities, doing only what your partner likes so that you can be together in everything. Even when you are alone, you neglect your desires and focus only on finding a new partner. And when you find him, you become the person you believe he will find attractive and interesting again.
You completely ignore your own needs and interests in order to invest your time and energy in meeting the needs of your (potential) partner instead of doing what you want.
