Nothing is taken for granted, not even love.
Maintaining a fulfilling and long-lasting partnership takes a lot of work, regardless of the time or the current pandemic.
After a year together (complete with restless sleep, stress and lack of childcare), staying happily married is even more of a challenge.
Sometimes we just don't have the energy for those days when everything is getting on our nerves. Has your spouse always been this messy? Why can he slurp his coffee so damn loudly?
There are simpler ways to strengthen your bond—with just a few words.
Psychotherapist dr. Kathryn Smerling she wrote down which words and phrases couples should use more often.
1. “I appreciate you.”
Whether you've been together for two years or twenty years, your relationship can quickly become taken for granted. If your partner does something unexpected, show him that you noticed and that you appreciate his effort.
The same rules apply to everyday things your partner does for you because they know you love them. For example, he makes you coffee every morning before you wake up, or lets you sleep in on Saturday mornings - do your best to let him know how much it means to you that he understands you.
“Tell them how much you love watching them interact with your children. Or when you find something makes them feel bad, tell them how much you appreciate all the little things they do,” says dr. Smerling.
We all like to feel appreciated, right?
“I appreciate you.”2. "What can I do for you?"
"Too often couples become very routinized and sometimes you can become like two ships sailing in their own direction rather than a partnership," says dr. Smerling. For example, you may be used to your partner making dinner every night and it never occurs to you to ask if they want to switch roles.
Or your spouse may be dealing with a problem at work that just isn't your area of expertise, but that doesn't mean you can't do something to help them - like rub their shoulders or relieve their stress in some other way.
Ask your spouse what they need at that moment, how you can help them, this is the essence of partnership and a sign of individual gratitude.
3. “Thank you!”
It is a simple but very powerful word. Gratitude is key to a healthy and successful marriage. V studies researchers asked 468 married people questions about their financial well-being, requests for or withdrawal of communication (one partner requests, criticizes, the other responds by withdrawing or avoiding confrontation) and expressions of gratitude towards their spouses.
They found that expressions of gratitude were the most consistent and significant predictor of marital quality. Researchers claim that a simple act like regularly saying the word "thank you" is powerful enough to prevent a couple's tendency to divorce.
"It is important to notice and acknowledge things that are often considered routine, and it is also necessary to make a conscious effort to appreciate what we take for granted," says dr. Smerling.
