We cannot choose the environment into which we will be born. If you were abused as a child, witnessed traumatic situations or your emotional or physical needs were not met, know that it is not your fault and that you can still become a healthy, happy and successful person. A characteristic of toxic childhood is that we subconsciously acquire lessons that are not correct and that can only harm us in life. Here are 6 lessons from a toxic childhood that you need to erase and relearn.
1. Love is conditional
According to experts, this belief originates from the way of education, in which parents or caregivers love and affection they show the child only if takes into account their orders. People who grow up in such an environment often perceive love transactional: if a friend or partner gives them a gift, it is up to them to give it to them they return with an even bigger gesture, if not, that person will left. Often this also leads to unconditional acceptance partner's rules, no matter how toxic and unhealthy they are.
You must know that love he can not be based on conditions. Of course, there is nothing wrong with being ready for a friend or partner to help, but his presence it must not be based on what it can do for him. Also, in a healthy relationship, a person from you she won't ask, to her unconditionally you obey, but if you do not agree with her ideas, she will be ready to conversation and a compromise.
2. You have to hide who you really are
If your childhood was interspersed with situations in which you were a victim humiliation, an insult or of abuse, it is quite normal that you have learned hide yourself - that's the only way you could survive. It's also perfectly normal to find it difficult to express your feelings opinion does it set up for yourself – you didn't have that option back then.
You must know that you are of such a disposition you didn't earn it and that he is not with you nothing wrong. There's no reason to hide anymore: the people you are they earn to be in your life, they will be you accepted exactly as you are. You should also know that there will always be people who will not like your personality the most - this does not mean that you are inferior.
3. You have to hide your feelings
Children who grow up in a toxic environment often learn the lesson that it is emotions need to to hide and to internalize, or even that emotions mean weakness.
You must do it yourself or with the help of a professional clear up, that this is far from the truth. It's emotions human and by giving them you bury deep inside you are harming only to myself. The help of an expert will come in handy even if you are still learning about emotions in the first place Express, because you don't have it showed nobody. Remember that everyone is progress commendable and that it is relearning a slow process, which is worth the effort. You deserve relationships where you can show your feelings without of fear, that you will because of them humiliated or that you will be a person left.
4. You have to go out of your way to please people
If you were in childhood ignore or you had to invest a lot effort, that your parents or guardians are at all noticed, it is only natural that you are willing to do anything to help people pleased.
This can lead to burnout, feelings shame and constant dissatisfaction, because you are used to putting yourself last. Also, by acting like this, you become an easy target for people who have no problem with exploitation others.
You must be aware that you must na first place to put themselves and satisfy own needs before you can help others. There's nothing wrong with saying "no" to a friend or partner if you can't do them a favor for whatever reason. A person who has sincere intentions will always be so understood.
5. Emotional closeness means danger
We are people social beings that need for normal functioning emotional closeness and attachment. If your "weaknesses" were used against you as a child, you most likely learned that to be vulnerable means danger.
You need to understand that emotional vulnerability is necessary if you want to be with someone to connect on a deeper level. It won't be in a healthy relationship used against you, but she will show her partner that he you trust and Mrs you love.
Fear before proximity often also leads to sabotaging relationships, which could develop into something wonderful, so it is very important that you work on facing it.
6. Nothing you do is good enough
This belief is present especially in those who were considered to be scapegoats, bli ignore or the target of a constant insults. If a parent or guardian an advantage before the child gives to his own problems, substances or other people, it is normal for the child to learn that nothing he does is and will not be good enough.
Such is the belief wrong: if your parents or the guardians were not capable appreciate, it comes out from themselves and not from you. You have to yourself to love and believe that you are capable, talented and above all good enough. Negativity can often lead to sabotage: why put effort into something if you're not going to succeed anyway?
You have to think like that to stop, because you can deprives for many achievements. The worst thing that can happen is that something just doesn't work for you, something that isn't right nothing wrong and does not mean yours inferiority. And even then you will be yourself keep calm, because you will know that you are at least tried.
