As many marriages as there are secrets to keeping them successful.
Read the confession of a woman after a divorce, where she decided to share what destroyed her marriage.
I always put my children first
It is easy to love your children. It takes very little effort and they love you no matter what. Law, however, is only a small contrast: it is a job. And whenever I felt bad in my relationship, I went for a walk or to the theater with the children. I often planned these adventures for when I knew my husband couldn't go (or spoil my mood). I kept telling myself, it's okay, he's working anyway, and somehow I always felt like I didn't really want to go on family trips.
I decided to sleep in the kids' room most of the night, blaming my husband for snoring a lot, and let him get some rest, since the kids come into our room a few times a night anyway, looking for something or they are afraid to sleep alone. As a result, we got barely an hour a day to be alone, and we never spent a night without the children. Well, maybe once a year on our anniversary.
I didn't draw or set boundaries for my parents
They were often with us, many times they came unannounced and entered the house freely. They "helped" me around the house and did things we didn't ask them to do, such as picking up the laundry from the washing machine and putting it in the dryer (in the wrong way, of course). We went on vacation with them. She would re-educate our children before us. My own fears slowed me down to set boundaries and rules of behavior for my parents. My husband literally married into my entire family.
We rarely had sex... and I became gross
I thought love was honesty, but we all know the truth hurts. When we started to feel comfortable in our relationship and we got "homed" (read: became lazy), I was too tired for action. And when he did something, I constantly attacked him: "So why did you do that?"
Instead of helping him build his ego, I humiliated him. I often told him that his job is not worth anything and that he definitely goes to work just to look at his skinny colleagues (I was overweight). I kept blaming him for doing everything wrong, but honestly speaking, his only "mistake" was not doing things my way. I used to talk to him like a child. I controlled the family finances and imitated his every reckless spending.
In the bedroom - you figured it out - he was doing everything wrong and I wasn't ashamed to tell him. When our marriage was falling apart, I was constantly looking for faults to justify my superiority. At the end of the day, I no longer felt the respect for him that I showed him.
I didn't bother to fight the right way
I know it sounds weird to say there is a "right" way to fight, but trust me, there is! I had a tendency to keep the peace in our family by keeping my mouth shut when something really bothered me, but of course I didn't. As you can imagine, all the little things that drove me crazy grew into a huge ball of anger that occasionally turned into a huge, really terrifying attack. Now that I look back, I was clearly just a plain scary bitch in those episodes!
I am writing this with the hope of somehow bringing my now ex-husband back into my life. And I ask for his forgiveness. I'm writing this because I can't believe how long I've had my head buried in the sand. I hope that through my story, other women will understand at least a little bit how we women can destroy our family. And while I'm still upset that my husband decided to solve his problems in another woman's bed, I still admit that my behavior pushed him there too!
