One of the most common questions asked by both women and men is, "When is the right time to officially become boyfriend and girlfriend?"
Today, how long is it still "normal" to be in some kind of relationship before we define ourselves as a couple, as "boyfriend and girlfriend"? Of course, each of us approaches the meaning of exclusivity and commitment differently, and if you want to know what your relationship status is, you should ask the person you're dating, not Google.
Both men and women are nervous when entering new romantic relationships, and there's nothing more intimidating than being exposed to a defining question, especially if we know we might not like the answer.
Is it too early to define a relationship?
It depends on how often you spend time with the other person and how well you get along. If you haven't known each other long enough, take the time to get to know each other more deeply instead of jumping in head first.
"The real key is to be present," suggests healer and spiritual teacher Elizabeth Hunter Diamond. “Being present means enjoying spending time with your new friend and letting the connection deepen without presupposing or expecting to continue. When you are present, you are in no rush to make a decision. You can let the relationship blossom in its natural time. The more present you are, the more in touch you are with your truth about when to move to the next level. "
The transition to "boyfriend and girlfriend" changes your relationship and you should be aware of that. Once you take that step, whether you start right away or are still somewhere between friendship and romance, things move forward and you should never go back.
The transition to "boyfriend and girlfriend" changes your relationship and you should be aware of that.Photo: Jonathan Petit/Unsplash
What does a "boy and girl" relationship look like? Psychologist Lorell Frysh emphasizes that you must first know if you are ready. "The important elements that people need to consider are: what attracted them to the other person, whether they are willing to open up and let the other person really get to know who they are, whether they are willing to commit to a real relationship and embrace growth and learning, that serious relationships require of us? "
It might make you feel a little better to know that women aren't the only ones who don't always know when it's the right time to make things official. Even the men are exhausted by the whole ordeal! And that's what led to it being a Reddit user asked the question: "Something I've never really understood is how long do couples usually wait before defining a relationship?"
And what did the men answer?
1. "They only become exclusive when things are no longer clichéd."
2. "You only reward the relationship if you're together 24/7."
3. "When you have both discussed it and decided together, you take the next step."
4. "As soon as you start, you become exclusive. I would never be in a relationship with someone who is also seeing other people.”
5. "When you're no longer interested in anyone else, you know it's a sign that it's a boy and a girl."
6. "When you're sure you're both on the same page."
7. "Once you really get to know a girl, that's when it's time."
8. "Wait until you share at least one routine."
9. "Take the next step only when the interest in each other is really deep."
10. "When you can't stand the thought of losing her, then it's time to officially be together."
11. "Your girlfriend is after 3 to 4 dates."
How do we start a conversation about defining a relationship?
When talking about exclusivity (unless you're in an open relationship), discuss what this step means, for both of us. What does it mean to be a boy and a girl? Does that mean you're only seeing each other?
Of course, this depends on the relationship to the relationship, so both partners need to be on the same page. You can't ignore each other for a few days and then ask for a date; you both need to decide if you value spending time with each other, because a relationship means you'll be doing just that!
Will they sleep at each other's places? Are you going to move in together? Did they just need a label? Being boyfriend and girlfriend is very different from just being friends with benefits. Things get more serious as they build a relationship together. They will have to let down the walls they have built around themselves. Things may need more work. There can be bigger and more serious conversations.
One way to have a conversation about the next step in a relationship is not to have one scary conversation, but to have several different conversations. In every conversation, ask a question like: "Are you open to the possibility of a real relationship?" You can phrase this completely hypothetically to get a sense of what the other person is looking for.
