You know all about giving support, comfort, how to be there when a person needs a shoulder to cry on. You have learned to listen carefully and understand other people's problems. You have learned to share your time, energy and attention - with others. And now you wonder how it is that even though you have given someone everything - yourself, your heart and love, that it is not enough for them. Why?
Your mind is a mess. You don't know what you're not doing right. How, why, if you give them everything you can.
Think about it, maybe people only accept what they need in love and are not willing to accept more than that. Maybe not even they don't know how to return love, because they don't know how to accept it.
Will you ever be able to give someone just what they ask for?
You will learn set boundaries? And if you limit yourself to these limits, can you still be who you are? If you don't give everything you have and know in love, who will you be? Will you feel let down if you feel somewhere inside that you are not giving enough?
It's not about what's too much and what's not enough, it is not about giving and receiving, but about the responsibility of exchange. If you give it your all, you very quickly find yourself in the position of doing it all—doing all the emotional work, taking all the love and responsibility for the relationship.
In this imbalance, the other person distances themselves. She's frustrated because she can't and can't give back what you're giving her. He feels bad. Your giving somehow takes away from her the responsibility for her giving, her presence, and her investment in the relationship. Her contribution to the relationship. It seems that only you are creating the relationship. Without them.
Borders don't limit you
Boundaries remind you that you are responsible for certain things, and that it begins after that boundary another person's responsibility. They are meant to develop respect for the other person's ability to take responsibility and the patience to let them do it at their own pace and in their own way.
You don't know if you would persist. Is this the right way. photo: Engin Akyurt / PexelsYou are used to always helping, to provide support and understanding, to do various things that make life easier for others. However, in this way you deprive them of the experience of expanding their own boundaries, of their own responsibility for investing in the relationship. Then why bother if you're already doing it?
Why those to whom you give so much are not grateful for it
And why do they withdraw and distance themselves instead of adoring you? Observe yourself and sense your vulnerability. You give because you feel like it. You feel how hard it is for someone and you can't stand the feeling that someone is suffering, you want to help them. However, if you want to do everything for them, this is not real help and support. Help them to cope with their problems and crises. You see what's bothering this person and you know what they need to do, but you can't do it for them, nor can you make them do it.
You have to have patience and trust, you have to give her every chance to try. You have to wait for him to ask you for advice, analysis, guidance, help. When someone asks, he is also able to accept it. Not before.
When you clearly feel that boundaries do not hold you back, but give you freedom, you will feel relief and find it easier to establish a proper relationship based on give and take.
