Argument is not always a negative thing. Couples who have been together for a long time, as well as couples who are married, have learned important life lessons and realized that conflict in relationships with the people they care about is inevitable and a sign that they want to move forward and grow in relationship.
If you feel a lot of stress and need a few days to recover from an argument because you bring a lot of emotions into the discussion, it's time to learn the five golden rules that will help you overcome conflicts faster and rationally, without tears and stress.
Let's see them!
Do not turn your back to your partner during conversations
It may sound funny, but usually when partners fight, they turn their backs on each other and talk about their own plans for the future instead of finding a constructive solution to the problem. According to the psychologist, this is a kind of intuition that awakens in couples and everyone wants to present themselves as an individual who can live independently and respect themselves and their views enough. It's clear that you shouldn't tolerate your partner's bad behavior, but if you've fallen out over normal life issues, the fight is there to create a constructive solution, not to drive you apart.
Don't forget about common goals
When we are angry, we tend to express our displeasure with our partner and make the problem appear to be three times bigger than it really is. Try to talk calmly with a loved one, and if you want to convey how exhausted and reluctant you are, communicate sensibly, do not impose guilt on your partner and compete with each other. By instilling a sense of guilt, you deepen the conflict, and in the middle of an argument you forget about the common goals you have, you act as an individual who will not come to a constructive solution, and thus complicate the relationship even more.
Instead of behaving like this, share your feelings with your partner, but at the same time emphasize that you want to progress together and achieve the agreed goals, propose a solution to the problem and ask your partner how he feels and what he thinks about your proposal and in general. presentation.
Generalizing won't do you any good
Psychologists point out that one of the major problems that drives people away from marriage is generalization. When we are angry, we tend to vent our anger through verbal conflicts, and that's when most people say things like: “… nothing is working in this marriage, you're constantly pissing me off, I've wasted years, I don't care”, these are just examples , which lead to coldness in the relationship and are far from the truth. If even one day with my partner wasn't really beautiful, I wouldn't agree to get married, live together and spend years together. Generalization is bad and will make your partner feel insecure and revisit the past.
Instead of generalizing, give your partner the good moments in which your relationship shined, but also tell what is wrong and emphasize how much you would like your relationship to become even more beautiful and better!
Listen to your partner, no matter how angry you are
Don't let your emotions drive you and leave the room like a teenager slamming the door, but be reasonable and listen to your partner. You'll spend days wondering what he had to say, or you'll eventually realize that the reason for the fight is ridiculous and you could have solved everything in five minutes just by listening to each other. Therefore, stay rational and give your partner time to say everything he thinks, do not interrupt him, listen and observe his reaction, from body movements, speech and the opinion he expresses, you will conclude whether the partner is sincere and what his intentions are.
Do not return to topics from the past
Psychologists and couples psychotherapy experts point out that most people, when they feel threatened during a conversation about existing problems, bring their partner back to stories from the past to remind them that they are also to blame for certain bad experiences in their relationship. This return to old wounds does you no favors, it alienates you and makes your relationship insecure. Once you've resolved your disagreements, don't bring them up again to preserve the relationship and make you more productive in the future.
