We have all found ourselves in a situation where our wishes, opinion or plans did not match our partner's. One way to deal with this is the well-known ultimatum. But can ultimatums actually work or are they the way to an unhealthy relationship? We asked what the advantages and disadvantages of ultimatums are and what experts think about this topic.
You must have heard of the advice, yes ultimatums you should never ask your partner, as they usually lead to toxic relationship. And yet they are in relationships frequent and many still hold on hope, that they will solved the problems, which you and your partner face.
To find out if it's an ultimatum the right way, we must first clarify what this term even means means. It's an ultimatum request, which is set by one of the partners and on which depends whether there will be a relationship lasted, so: "If you don't do this, I will end the relationship."
We know two main reasons for ultimate: it is the first behavior one of the partners who the other it disturbs or affects (e.g. "I will end the relationship if you don't stop contact with your exes"), and the second is the feeling that the relationship it has no future ("I will break up with you if we don't move in together by the end of the year.").
Advantages and disadvantages of ultimatums
An advantage the ultimatum lies in the fact that you will partner with them clearly shown, that you are something you want and that you are about your opinion serious. However, relationship experts still argue that ultimatums they are not the right decision.
This is because they usually lead to one of the three unwanted conclusions. The first is that the partner because of fear before the end of the relationship your request accepts, although with her does not agree. An example of this is that they start joint life, although he feels that on him not ready yet, which then leads to all sorts of problems in the future. Another possibility is that the partner ties up conclude, even though you are doesn't want to none of you and the relationship would be possible without an ultimatum to solve.
What about the third conclusion? Here, your partner of your ultimate does not take into account, but you are nevertheless in a relationship you stay and thereby let him know that your words they don't mean a lot. In this case, you will most likely have feelings for your partner grievances, which will harm both relationship like yours feeling.
What to do instead of an ultimatum?
Experts suggest that you opt for the ultimatum instead honest conversation, in which both with a partner express your opinion clearly. If, for example, you want to move to common home, explain to your partner why you feel this way it means a lot, and then him listen, when he trusts you with his doubts. You should be aware that they are compromises part of every relationship and to make every decision with your partner they cannot completely agree. It is also true that threats and compulsion they are not something that can lead to a healthy relationship.
But what if you found that compromise for you it is not possible or it's the partner who doesn't touch him at all he is not ready? If it is a thing that is for you very important, then consider whether it has continuing the relationship sense. If you have decided to have a relationship concluded, do it without pressure and extortion, but to a partner explain, that your wishes too they differ.
With a partner talk even if you were hurt by his behavior. V healthy, loving relationship neither of you will want to arouse in the other painful emotions and to change their behavior he won't need an ultimatum.
