What do your sexual fantasies say about your personality?

Your long-standing fantasy of having sex in a public place says a lot more about your personality than you care to admit.

Sex education teacher and researcher Justin J. Lehmiller is in his new book Tell Me What You Want studied the sexual fantasies of more than 4,000 people from all walks of life – heterosexuals, people from the LGBTQ community, people of all political and religious affiliations. He discovered that our sexual fantasies, or at least part of them it reflects our personality traits and characteristics. For example, it is not extroverts, but introverts who are more spoiled in the bedroom. But more on that below.

In Lehmiller's online survey, participants were aged between 17 and 87 years, and they had to describe their favorite sexual fantasy in their own words. They also said about which particular people, places and things they fantasized at any time. There were 369 questions in the questionnaire itself. They also had to describe what psychologists call the 'big 5 personality traits': extroversion(how social they are), openness to experience (how intellectually curious or adventurous they are), conscientiousness (how reliable and plan-oriented the person is), acceptability (how compassionate the person is and whether they are willing to cooperate) and neuroticism (how anxious, depressed or angry the person is).

Lehmiller found that sexual fantasies speak to their unique personality and psychological needs. "Our fantasies tell us something very important about who we are and where we are at a particular moment in our lives," Lehmiller told HuffPost. While many female and male fantasies overlapped, they were women in their sexual fantasies more intense and braver. "Men's fantasies had much more emotional content than the results of the first survey indicated. Women's fantasies were much more adventurous than we anticipated. We seem to have a lot in common when it comes to things that turn us on," adds Lehmiller.

So what do your personality traits say about your sexual fantasies?

Extroversion

Extroverts dream about triplets and group sex.

Extroverted people are sociable, and they get their energy from socializing with other people and new activities. It's no surprise that they're also social when it comes to sex. "Extroverts mostly daydream about threesomes and other forms of group sex, as well as different forms of consensual polygamy, such as swinging and polyamory," says Lehmiller.

A introverted are the ones who have the most kinky respectively corrupted sexual fantasiese. “Extroverts are less likely to fantasize about things that are taboo, while introverts are more likely to do so. This may also be because introverts have a harder time defining the type of sexual relationship they want, increasing their tendency towards taboos and unusual sexual interests.”

Acceptability

Those who are receptive are mainly giving in bed. Caring for people in daily life also creeps into sex. “Their fantasies involve more themed things and mutual enjoyment. They really like to see their partner enjoying themselves and want to be absolutely sure that everything is safe and consensual," says Lehmiller. "Such individuals have fewer fantasies about emotionless sex and about taboos."

Conscientiousness

Their sex is supposed to be 'emptier', but that doesn't mean it's bad.

Conscientious people are very detail-oriented. These are the ones who they schedule sex and they have nothing against 'empty' sex. "As with everything, conscientious people are detail-oriented when it comes to sexual fantasies. For example, they will get more attention dedicated to the space where this fantasy will take place, rather than to the fantasy itself. In bed, they tend to conform to norms. Conscientious people also fantasize less about BDSM and taboos.”

Still, 'empty' sex is not the same as bad sex: recent study she found that men and women who belong to very conscientious people have more satisfying sex than everyone else.

Neuroticism

People who are neurotic are under a lot of stress. For them, the ideal sexual experience is one that soothing and involving the person they have romantic feelings for. It is likely that such people will look for adventurous sex, which could put them under even more stress due to the new situation. "Neurotic people they fantasize about passion and romance, perhaps because the sensation of lust makes their lives easier and allows them to relax and enjoy themselves," says Lehmiller. "Neurotics fantasize less about group sex and new things, perhaps because it involves elements of uncertainty that can be stressful."

Openness to experience

Those who are open to experience in general are also open to experience in sexuality.

If you think that people who are open to experience will accepted everything, don't be mistaken. If there was an award for 'weirdest sex position or how you twisted your wrist', we'd win it. "People who are open-minded - meaning they are curious and imaginative - have maximum variability in their sexual fantasies,” Lehmiller said. "They fantasize about almost everything, from normal sexuality to things that are taboo. It seems that if you want to try new things in real life, you also want to try them in your sexual fantasies.”

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