An uncomfortable feeling is not pleasant. But you can't avoid that feeling of discomfort, because it kicks in automatically, like an early warning system of something you need to pay attention to.
You can experience discomfort on a daily basis that you can ignore, to feelings of discomfort that require you to do something about it.
Sometimes it's the sense of uneasiness that's in the air, the tension, and the uncomfortable emotions that others are radiating. Sometimes you feel uncomfortable because you have to do something you don't do, or it goes against your expectations, or you feel guilty because you didn't do something as well as you could.
No matter how hard you try to stay positive and avoid unpleasant feelings, it always doesn't work. The discomfort is somewhere inside of you and it actually shows you in which direction you need to move. It warns you that something might not be as it should be.
Discomfort serves as your orientation. If you are in the role of a nice person, the one who does everything for others, and you try to break out of that frame, you will feel uncomfortable. Why? Because others will resent you for it.
The feeling of discomfort is alerting us to something. Photo: David Bacelj / UnsplashIf you have manipulative and selfish people around you, they will try to push you back into that mold. They will make you feel guilty and prevent you from breaking the pattern that is holding you back. Setting boundaries is not easy, especially when relationships are already built according to a certain scheme and you want to change it. As you build your confidence and change your behavior, discomfort accompanies you every step of the way, letting you know you're on the right track.
There are always relationships and situations in life when you have to put others first or do something that is not close to you, that you don't like and you feel bad because these things are part of the relationship or job, part of your decisions.
All you can do is to decide according to your values. Sometimes the compromises and concessions fit into the bigger picture, the vision, the goals you are striving for and the way to achieve them.
Neglecting your own values and constantly making compromises and concessions is not good for your mental and physical health. The discomfort that accompanies you is permanent in your body.
A feeling that doesn't go away and doesn't stop, but you get used to it and don't notice it anymore. It numbs and becomes poison. Feelings of guilt constantly consume you, resentment poisons you, and you feel bad, in and with yourself. Discomfort loses its role as a warning and a guide if you permanently ignore it and don't try to do the difficult and thankless work of setting boundaries.
If you want to constructively use your discomfort compass, you need to set boundaries. This basically means that you start behaving the way you want others to treat you.
If you neglect your own needs, others will also neglect them. If you constantly do things you don't want to do and make compromises, others will expect that from you. If you don't respect yourself, others won't respect you either. Therefore, think about your limits, about your own attitude towards yourself.
Don't forget about yourself. Photo: Kinga Cichewicz / UnsplashYou will learn to keep your boundaries, make decisions based on your values, set priorities and points around which there are no negotiations or compromises. And when you do, the feeling of discomfort will make sense again. You won't ignore it, but you will notice it when it appears.
Say to yourself, I need it, I want it, I can't! No explanations that can easily slip into justification.
When you live your beliefs, everything is much easier. And when you feel uncomfortable, you don't have to ignore it, just understand what it's warning you about.
