Choosing a partner is considered one of the most important decisions we face on our life journey. For some, it is one of the most beautiful experiences, but for many, it leads to frustration and despair, because they feel like they are getting attached to the wrong people every time. We asked what the experts thought: why do people choose certain types of partners and how can you finally decide on the one that will be right for you?
The modern world is considered to be a world of opposites: it has never been easier to connect with all kinds of people and you find a partner, but many people seem to find that, despite the large selection, they always come across partners who are for them they are not real or they don't behave towards them inappropriate ways.
We asked how they view it experts: what is it that has the greatest impact on what kind of partners we choose?
Patterns from childhood
Psychologists note that they are ours behavior in adulthood a reflection of the experiences we have received in our own earliest years. Humans are subconsciously inclined to look for what we already know. This means that you are a lot of people who are from childhood used to, that their feelings are not heard and taken into account, they search emotionally unavailable partners. It also does children of alcoholics they often find themselves in relationships with people who struggle with addiction.
However, this one can you break the toxic cycle. If you notice that you repeatedly encounter partners whose behavior does not match the idea of healthy relationships, should be your first step, yes find out, where could that be from came out. Next, it is important to have painful experiences with yourself clear up and you are clear mark it, what love is not. Many do this most easily with help therapy.
The next step is to make yourself list of properties, which the person with whom you will spend your life must have. If you won't know what actually you want and what are you you earn, you will much faster found themselves in situations that will be anything but pleasant.
Different types of attachment
When deciding which partner to choose, the type also plays a big role attachment type we have We know 4 types of attachment: ambivalent, evasive, unorganized and secure attachment type.
- Ambivalent attachment type it usually occurs in children whose parents they did not demonstrate unconditional love, but it can also develop due to bad experiences from the past. They are characteristic of him anxious feelings and constant doubts into your partner's feelings. People with this type of attachment often find themselves in relationships that are full jealousy and accusations.
- Avoidant attachment type is typical of people who received only love in childhood under certain conditions, and they can also cause it painful past experiences. Such persons are they avoid intimacy and to partners they keep certain distance: they subconsciously believe that this is the only way they will be able to do it avoid pain.
- Disorganized attachment type is most easily described as a mixture of both: people with him in relationships meet both s by fear, that the partner will leave them, as well as the need to get away from him move away. In such unions, they often rule conflicts and chaos.
- What secure attachment type? People with him have maximum possibility, to find partners who will be corresponded. They are aware of what their partner wants they want and the thought of intimacy does not cause them anxiety.
It is important that find out, what type of attachment you have and clarify what those are conduct and behavioral patterns, which you need to work on. It is also necessary to look at your emotions with realistic angle: this means that, for example, you ask yourself whether your jealousy originates from partner's behavior or samples, which you carry inside you. When you're at your wits' end cleared up, how partners should treat each other behave and developed a healthy attachment style, you will also find it easier to compatible partners: for you will not be drawn to those who could continue a toxic cycle unhealthy relationships.
